About Conflict…
I’ve learned conflict is not like seafood or spinach: with conflict, no one can decide that it isn’t on the menu. Differences in values, wants, views, and virtually anything else can get in the way of your goals, and circumstances may force you to make a “best of” choice from any number of available options. In that way, conflict is more like the weather… just like a tornado, you can choose to leave and possibly avoid it, but it may still leave behind damage… like weather, conflict can be a powerful force.
Conflict in a partnership, team, relationship or organization can deeply affect people, work and how people use time and opportunities. While people love and need connection and to collaborate with each other, to do so, we also need information, resources and support. Conflict that goes poorly supported, noticed and addressed can get in the way, distracting people and affecting growth, careers, teams and performance of all kinds.
Conflict can, in itself, create conflict: we all know people who seem to LOVE conflict and people who run from issues given that the seem to HATE it. Small, unaddressed or poorly managed issues can spiral terribly out of control, leading to toxic situations, stress, stifling silence, or even violence. Certainly, although a “good” conflict can actually help to make personal and team styles and motivations obvious, organizations regretfully do not use conflicts as “trigger” points to ensure healthy connections between teams, projects and people. In fact, a tremendous number of barriers get in the way of suitable levels of assertiveness within teams, organizations and partnerships.
- Lack of communication, trust, clear expectations and consequences for bad or below-standard behavior
- Slow, overburdened and ineffective leadership
- Fear of conflict, stepping up, or being seen as a “rat”
- Poor (or temporary actors in the place of) supervision
- Wasted resources on “event days”: fun, but never applied team-building, collaborative strategy building or training
- Ineffective response to complaints (“that’s been tried before”)
- Patient, but painful time waiting as supervisors or “someone else” avoids being seen as the heavy
- Not wanting to be seen as feeding the blue elephant everyone sees, but does nothing about.
So what’s missing?
When conflict is in the way, it is easy to forget that those needs for information, resources and support are often to blame. What is often said is, “we’re not communicating” or, “we need to improve communication”. Sure, that is true… but communication is a complex thing – made up of data (a message), means of transmission, sender, receiver and feedback. In most dysfunctional conflict resolution or redress support systems, checking against the following list will highlight a gaping hole in system structures.
- Common ground motivation, start and points – a vision, values, question, or goal based on diagnosis or analysis of the barriers that must be addressed.
- Immediate and effective competency investments (e.g., training, information) in speaking up when a practice, tool or norm isn’t working.
- Support for those not assertive enough to stand up for themselves.
- Performance measures/mechanisms to align and understand risks and indicators for knowing what/who/which are working – and what/who/which are not.
- Processes for addressing discipline, grievances and complaints.
- Recognition/rewards for effective investments, actions and behaviors.
- Stories and signals about success is.
Where do you start?
Do You Have a Story?
If you have a story to share about conflict from your perspective or in your organization, we’d love to hear it! Let us know by contacting us – our email address is here.
Cheers,
