Conflict Resolution Mastery: How Much Training Do You Need?
Hi Navigators,
You know, I’d laugh if you suggested that I feel truly comfortable dealing with toxic workplaces and teams. It would be like saying I’m comfortable watching others writhe in pain. I often have to remind people of this when they begin their own journey into conflict resolution training and wonder what they will know after just a few days (or even years) of conflict resolution training. As much as it helps… training and even aptitude are not enough.
In fact, I’m one who can say I hate the emotional overwhelm that comes with conflict… still to this day I squirm when emotions are escalated. My discomfort led to my first 30 minutes of training on ‘Dealing with Anger’ 20 years ago. I can easily admit I needed and wanted to help myself – and others have come to benefit as a result. Today, after over 30 years as a professional -15 as a mediator and coach – I can say with certainty that I am confident in my own toolkit of conflict resolution competencies, can deal better with emotions that come with conflict, and can help others navigate it with confidence and calm.
My current level of competency, calm and confidence have grown through growth, learning, acceptance and practice. I have undoubtedly sucked at certain things. I have learned to avoid these areas of incapacity – there are work-arounds! Experienced conflict specialists know that through true acceptance of weakness does calm and confidence grow.
Take note, my mistakes have taught me more than my successes. … okay, get ready for an admission: while I have tackled more and more complex challenges in ugly and chronic conflict, even today, the inconsequential irritants and disputes that affect me are still the ones from which I learn the most.
Change a project’s mandate – they’ll live with it… but move their desk 3 inches to the left without asking and it’s World War III.
Increased conflict calm and confidence is key to interest-based, win-win, non-oppositional conflict resolution. Given this, it is healthy to realize even I must be open to my own development as a conflict navigator. I still handle my own dissatisfaction sometimes blind to my own interests, values and needs and I can still suck at resolution. When this happens, that instance of “a-ha!” that follows provides for learning, consciousness, strength and skill building. Another name for this however, is simply “wisdom” that normally comes with aging and experience. Conflict resolution learners and specialists need to build wisdom fast.
Indeed, I’ve come to know that blindness and brilliance in navigating conflict are – I know – normal and typical of everyone. No matter how well trained, prepared or experienced, some folks just don’t show the wisdom needed to reassure parties in conflict that they can help and many trained practitioners don’t know how to get started at all – and never put their learning to use, even though just the right tool or process works, even though the individual facilitating it has little or no confidence, skill, calm or faith.
For these reasons a good, solid, supportive push or pull by a mentor, coach, or trainer is an accepted requirement for having “enough” training. Prior learning can help, of course. Our programs training Conflict Navigators allow for that.
Today, I am am confident in my status as a conflict navigator and “go-to” resource for people with issues: I have great confidence and even big, hairy, ugly conflicts don’t seem unnavigable to me. Frankly, I still approach every situation with the deep respect and openness of a learner… gathering information, testing out resources, and looking for collaborative support to manage toward resolution with calm, safety and confidence. Faith in that can come within even a few minutes of coaching and training – and it may never come…working with a wise person, a skilled mentor and conflict navigation practitioner can dramatically speed the learning necessary to master conflict resolution. I promise you, no one gains it without experience and trudging a well worn path to competency that are well described in the stages of competency or learning:
- Unconscious Incompetence
- The individual does not understand or know how to do something and does not necessarily recognize the deficit. They may deny the usefulness of the skill.
- Conscious Incompetence
- Though the individual does not understand or know how to do something, he or she does recognize (and work to resolve) the deficit, as well as the value of a new skill in addressing the deficit. The making of mistakes can be integral to the learning process at this stage.
- Conscious Competence
- The individual understands or knows how to do something. However, demonstrating the skill or knowledge requires concentration. It may be broken down into steps, and there is heavy conscious involvement in executing the new skill.
- Unconscious Competence
- The skill that it has become “second nature” and can be performed easily. As a result, the skill can be performed while executing another task. The individual may be able to teach it to others, depending upon how and when it was learned.
Note that: The individual must recognize their own incompetence, and the value of the new skill, before moving on to the next stage. The length of time an individual spends in this stage depends on the strength of the stimulus to learn.
Adapted from Wikipedia.com, downloaded August 20th, 2011.
So, the old, “knowing you have a problem” means you’re already on the road to overcoming the learning challenge toward conflict resolution mastery! I promise that starting with this small step of wanting to learn is more important for learning at any level of conflict resolution mastery than wanting to help. Wanting to help puts additional and unnecessary burden on you… shutting the door on the curiousity, freedom and openness that comes with knowing you’re supposed to make mistakes. When you do, pick up the pieces, acknowledge the shift in direction, process or attempt and try something else. Both experienced conflict navigators and coaches, as well as “newbies” can build confidence and calm and stay fresh by being aware of how small upsets offer perfect opportunities to be a student.
The right amount of training to begin the journey differs. For example, for most positions that practice conflict management in the Government offices across Canada, the minimum number of hours to get in the door is 40 hours – along with a certificate of completion. Degree programs are offered at universities around the world and believe me, many with these documents and hours are extremely unsure – their confidence and calm only comes as they move through the levels of competency with openness, and freedom from the concern that they’ll ever fully complete the learning journey.
While the amount of training cannot be simply answered, when you observe how an issue you are currently experiencing arises, is sustained, deescalated or resolved effectively, you are learning powerful lessons. Each experience or few minutes of learning (which differs from training) can build linkages between what you currently know and know how to do.
You must do this reflection when or where your perspectives aren’t muddled by interests in safety, saving face and salvation! A few hours of training, or immediate support by a trusted coach or navigator may be all you may need… but the right tool or process may be something you can more easily use – if your competency isn’t there: we all need one sometimes!
Cheers,
